


Can I Just Stay Here? (Spend the Rest of My Days Here?)

by otawritesthings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5 Things, 5 Times, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Bones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Football | Soccer, Graduation, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mentioned Yaku Morisuke, Nekoma, Physical hurt/comfort, Volleyball, i cried, kuroken hugs, this is really really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23979847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otawritesthings/pseuds/otawritesthings
Summary: “Kenma if you cry, I’m gonna cry!” Kuroo sniffed, wiping at his dark eyes with a dirty, outdoor stained hand.“No!” Kenma protested. He didn’t want Kuroo to cry! Kuroo was his best friend. Kuroo shouldn’t be upset.“It’s too late! Look what you did!” Kuroo sobbed, wiping at tears as they leaked out of his eyes. “Kenmaaaa!”---The five most impactful hugs in Kuroo and Kenma's lifetimes, from the youngest moments to the oldest.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 152





	Can I Just Stay Here? (Spend the Rest of My Days Here?)

**Author's Note:**

> I cried a total of 5 times writing this. It is 3am.
> 
> If you want to know WHY I cried, mostly because I listened to "Locked out of Heaven", "Never Forget You", "Dusk Til Dawn" and "You'll Be In My Heart" over and over while writing this, and it did things to me I didn't know it could do.
> 
> Either way, I loved writing this, even though I cried. And maybe scene 5 is really vent-y, but it's that spring time again and it's real graduation hours so time to get serious.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!!

**|ONE|**

The first time Kuroo had ever hugged Kenma, the little boy hadn’t known exactly what to do. 

They were playing outside, kicking around a soccer ball with little effort and groaning when it rolled too far out of reach and they had to chase it to go get it. At seven, Kenma was discovering the meaning of “lazy” and while Kuroo hadn’t adopted the policy yet, Kenma felt a certain attachment to it. It was nice -- being quiet, not moving, being enraptured by something on his handheld.

Kuroo kicked the ball too far away, and Kenma huffed in annoyance, black hair flying around his face with the motion. Still, he went to retrieve the ball and kicked it back to Kuroo.  _ Maybe  _ he used too much force, because the tough ball went flying towards Kuroo, smacking him right in the stomach. 

Kuroo doubled over in pain, grabbing his chest with a wild shriek. Kenma immediately felt guilty tears flood his eyes and he sprinted over to Kuroo’s side. 

  
“I’m sorry!” He wailed, waving his hands around Kuroo and making sure he hadn’t actually hurt his best friend.

_ His best friend. _

“I- I’m good,” Kuroo wheezed, rubbing his stomach and looking up at Kenma. “Wait… Kenma… are you… crying?” He gasped and shook his head, using his tiny eight year old hands to wipe away Kenma’s soppy tears. “Don’t cry! I’m alright! I promise! Kenma  _ noooo!”  _ He cried.

Kenma just couldn’t stop… crying.

First it was because he hit Kuroo and he felt  _ so  _ bad. Now it was because Kuroo wasn’t even  _ mad  _ at him, but Kenma still hated that Kuroo had gotten hurt because of him and that made him in the simplest terms:  _ sad. _

“Kenma if you cry,  _ I’m  _ gonna cry!” Kuroo sniffed, wiping at his dark eyes with a dirty, outdoor stained hand. 

“No!” Kenma protested. He didn’t want Kuroo to cry! Kuroo was his  _ best friend.  _ Kuroo shouldn’t be upset.

“It’s too late! Look what you did!” Kuroo sobbed, wiping at tears as they leaked out of his eyes. “Kenmaaaa!”

Then Kuroo was hugging Kenma and Kenma was wiping his snotty nose on his dumb basketball shirt in secret, and Kuroo was crying into his hair. The taller boy had one hand around his waist and the other snaking up around his shoulders clad in a red hoodie and resting gently on his neck right where his hair ended.

Kenma just clung around his waist, crinkling the fabric of his tshirt and they were crying in Kuroo’s backyard, the soccer ball having been long forgotten.

Eventually Kuroo sniffled and let Kenma go. Kenma stepped back, wiped his golden eyes, and basked in Kuroo’s bright smile.

“Let’s play video games instead!”

**|TWO|**

Kuroo and Kenma usually hung out together on the playground during recess on the slide. They didn’t always have recess together -- what with Kuroo being one year older -- but sometimes the teachers would overlap just so, and the two would have ten minutes to see each other at school. They  _ always  _ sat on top of the slid e.

The slide was quiet, compared to the rest of the playground, most of the kids only climbing up and falling down once before the temporary adrenaline wasn’t enough for them, and they decided they would rather play “infected” or “cops and robbers” instead. Kuroo and Kenma, though, perched at the top of the slide. Kenma would take his sandals off and dump out the sand from the sidewalk and the rest of the playground, and Kuroo would take wood chips and leaves and see how many he could use to clog a hole in the cork-board-esque flooring of the slide platform. 

Today, however, Kuroo boasted about having grown over the weekend, and wanted to show Kenma that he could reach the money bars all by himself. Kenma just nodded and followed Kuroo dutifully across the playground. 

“Watch this Kenma!” He cheered, and lifted his hands high into the air. He swung them down low, and then jumped into the air, hands swinging back up and latching onto the monkey bars victoriously.

Kenma clapped quietly, smiling just a little. He wasn’t going to yell at Kuroo that he did good. Kuroo already knew it, probably. Besides, Kenma never seemed to have the right words anyway.

“I can climb on top too!” Kuroo victoriously cheered, swinging his legs up so that they latched on top of another rung and then hoisting himself up with the combined effort of his feet so that he sat like a bird on top of the metal. “Look Kenma! I’m way taller than you now!”

“Yeah.” Kenma hummed, but he didn’t like it that Kuroo was up on top of the monkey bars where he could get hurt.

Kuroo’s teacher blew her whistle, signifying that Kuroo’s class had to go back inside. Kuroo huffed,but reluctantly began to slide off the monkey bars. He moved to hook his feet back just the way he had come up, and Kenma watched almost in slow motion as Kuroo dipped under the rungs, hands still wild in the air and his feet slipped from the other rung. His best friend screamed as he plummeted towards the ground, and Kenma heard himself gasp as though he was out of his body.

Kuroo hit the sand below. There was a split second pause, and then… the screaming. Kenma started to cry and dived over to Kuroo who held his ankle and cried and screamed into the sand. He felt so  _ lost  _ sitting over his friend and not knowing what to  _ do. _

He reached out, and grabbed Kuroo sloppily around his shoulders and hugged him, wincing just slightly when the ten year old grabbed his arm in response, fingers squeezing hard enough to cut.

Their respective teachers eventually pulled the two boys away, Kuroo’s on the phone with his mother as Kenma was led back to class. 

He didn’t like leaving Kuroo to cry alone on the playground.

When Kuroo came back to school the next day, clad in a boot in crutches, Kenma glomped him like a koala before going to his class. Later, when Kenma went over to his house after school, Kuroo let him try to balance on his crutches, but they were much too big for the smaller boy.

Kenma was the first to sign his cast. He told Kuroo to never hurt himself again.

**|THREE|**

Kenma ended up choosing Nekoma High for school. Kuroo went there, and praised it up and down the wall, and had practically  _ begged  _ Kenma to be his setter on the volleyball team.

Kenma had thought it over, sure, but in the end he drifted back to Kuroo like he always did. 

Year one class three, the same one Kuroo had been in, except now Kenma felt himself riddled with an anticipation he hadn’t felt in  _ weeks.  _ He and Kuroo still hung out, yeah, but when it came down to exam seasons, Kuroo had to focus on his school work and the volleyball spring tournament. He hadn’t seen him at all practically for the past three weeks. When they did, they didn’t have a lot to talk about aside from Kuroo burying himself in a textbook so he could pass his exams and get good enough grades for volleyball and his science major in college.

Kenma couldn’t help but feel a buzz in his stomach and a slight lightheadedness at the idea of getting to see Kuroo again and really  _ talk  _ to him. Volleyball tryouts were at the end of the day, and Kuroo had promised Kenma over text that he would hang out with him during and after practice.

He didn’t run out of class to change when the bell rang. He speed walked. But he still felt like he was flying down the corridors to the gym.

“Kenma!” Kuroo greeted him as soon as he opened the door. His best friend was hanging up the net, and nearly dropped it as he waved Kenma over with a beaming smile and flying hand gestures. As soon as the net was secured, he sprinted over to the boy -- now with long ago dyed blonde hair with his balck roots showing through -- and grabbed him in an almost bone crushing hug. “I’m so glad you’re here! I can’t wait to play volleyball together!”

Kenma patted him on the back consolingly, and Kuroo took that as a sign to release Kenma just a little and let him breathe. 

“Me too.” Kenma said, his lips quirking up into a sort of half smile. Kuroo grinned again, straight teeth blindingly white (Kenma knew how many years of braces and whitening strips he had used to get there). Kenma couldn’t help but think that Kuroo was just as bright as his teeth were. 

**|FOUR|**

The ball hit the ground.

For a moment, Kuroo couldn’t believe it. They had somehow managed to  _ win?  _

When Fukurodani had beaten them, Kuroo had tried to stay optimistic. As captain, it was  _ his  _ job for the team to be the voice of hope and a guiding light. Still, Kuroo ahd felt just a bit of that light wane when Bokuto and Akaashi had successfully led their team to victory, and Nekoma was left in a heap among the rest yet again.

They had  _ one  _ more shot at this. One shot for Kuroo to get to nationals one more time with his fellow third years. One more shot for this group of team members to have even a glimpse of playing with each other again. One more moment to block the ball and relish in the feeling of its smooth yet tough fabric breaking the skin of his hands and leaving them red and stinging with a vigor only volleyball could bring.

Then Yaku had  _ hurt himself _ , and Kuroo couldn’t help but feel disheartened. There was a piece of him that hurt for his fellow third year, and without their prized libero, he wasn’t sure if they would make it to nationals. 

But  _ Kenma,  _ quiet, nerdy, dry Kenma had managed to be the perfect strategist. He had cut no corners, and he got the team back on their feet when Kuroo couldn’t.

The ball hit the floor, bounced just slightly, and Kuroo heard the whistle blow.

The cry of surprise and shock and victory clawed its way up out of his throat. In the sea of red and black and white, he found Kenma and smiled so brightly at him. Kenma just gave him that signature closed lipped smile of his that made Kuroo feel so  _ lucky  _ to have the pudding head as his team member. Joy burst at the seams of his body and he grabbed the smaller boy and squeezed hard enough to kill.

Kenma wasn’t one for hugs. Kuroo knew that. He really only hugged when he  _ had  _ to as he got older. Slowly, but surely, Kenma drew his arms up and let his hands grip onto Kuroo’s shoulders, dragging him down to his level and squeezing just enough that Kuroo could feel the pads of his fingertips through his jersey.

There was no one else he would rather go to Nationals with.

**|FIVE|**

Kuroo looked like he belonged in his graduation cap and gown. He held himself with such confidence that Kenma couldn't imagine him wearing anything else in that moment as he walked across the stage and got his diploma with that bright white smile of his.

Kenma’s heart twisted where he sat. Kuroo wasn’t part of Nekoma High anymore, and the gravity was slowly setting in that this was the end.

Sixteen years of friendship and two years of volleyball, and Kenma suddenly felt like he was worlds apart from Kuroo.

His nose burned, and his stomach twisted, but he pretended to be fine for Kuroo’s sake. He let Kuroo’s family cheer and cry and whoop for him as he took his place among the other graduates, next to Yaku. The two smiled at each other, and Kenma felt himself smiling too even though his eyes burned. 

He knew the fact of the matter deep down. Deep inside of himself, Kenma knew that he didn’t  _ want  _ Kuroo to leave. He wanted Kuroo to stay with him and they could play volleyball together for one more year and Kuroo could still study his science textbooks in Kenma’s room late at night as he clicked away at some RPG. He wanted  _ Kuroo.  _ He didn’t know what the next year would bring. His third year was so close, and yet when he thought about it he felt so hollow.

What would he do without Kuroo?

The crowd erupted in cheers and applause, and Kenma joined them, but his heart felt sticky and slow. He didn’t want to miss Kuroo. He wanted Kuroo to stay right there with him and they could take on the world together.

That wasn’t the case, though, and Kenma knew it.

He  _ knew  _ Kuroo had worked so hard to get into his university of choice. Kuroo had slaved away and gotten a volleyball scholarship and wanted to go into science. Kuroo had been dreaming about it for  _ years.  _ Kuroo was like that. He was an analyst and a planner, and he had his life mapped out in front of him years in advance. Kenma couldn’t take that away from him. He  _ wouldn’t.  _

That didn’t mean it hurt any less when he finally got his chance to see Kuroo after the ceremony. He looked the same as always in his graduation attire, but somehow different. Older. Taller. Out of reach.

Tears burned at Kenma’s eyes, and he blinked them away.

“Congratulations.” he said, feeling like his suit was choking him. 

“Thanks.” Kuroo grinned, something smaller than his normal toothy smile, but somehow conveying the same joy that Kuroo radiated. Kuroo emitted happiness like sweat. In all the times that Kuroo had whined or complained or insulted the other team, Kenma would see him laughing to himself, a glaring mirth behind every action. The way he hung around with Akaashi and

and carried on with that doofus look in his eyes carried a sort of lightness that Kenma had grown to know over the years.

He couldn’t… he didn’t want that lightness to fade away.

Kuroo was leaving for good. It wasn’t just a week for exams that they would only talk in passing or humm back and forth while studying in the early mornings.

Kuroo was… gone.

The first tear slipped out of Kenma’s eye without his consent.

Kuroo’s smile fell instantly, and his brow furrowed -- not in confusion, but in understanding. “I hate this part.” The dark haired boy choked out, laughing awkwardly and scrubbing the underside of his nose as if looking for something to do with his hands. “I hate goodbyes.”

“Me too.” Kenma chuckled, but the sound felt weak and hollow.

“I’m gonna miss you.” Kuroo told him, dark eyes becoming glassy, “A lot. Actually, more than a lot. You better study hard and come join me next year so I can stop missing you because I think I’ll  _ actually  _ die if I spend too much time away from you.”

Another traitorous tar marked a trail on Kenma’s cheek. He swiped at it angrily.

“I don’t want you to leave.” He admitted, voice barely above a whisper. He hated sharing his feelings, but with Kuroo it was so… easy.

Kuroo paused and then sniffled wetly. “I almost don’t want to go.”

“What is next year going to be like?” Kenma whimpered. He  _ hated  _ not knowing what would happen. That wasn’t… this wasn’t a game where you could restart and try again. This was  _ it.  _

“I don’t know.” Kuroo ran a hand through his bedhead. “I’ll text you everyday though, and you better text me back. Or I’ll drive down here or take the train and make you.”

“That… that defeats the purpose.” Kenma laughed, but it sounded more like a sob. He knew, in some angry part of himself, that Kuroo would intend to call and text every day, but college was college and Kenma couldn’t compete with something miles away. He knew Kuroo would do his best, but in the end he was human and he had to move on too, and that meant that sometimes he wouldn’t get the texts he always wanted.

“Yeah well… it’s an excuse to see you.” Kuroo chuckled, stepping forward towards Kenma, black gown swishing around his ankles. “I… I really will miss you Kenma. It’s crazy. This was the best year of my  _ life  _ I think.”

“I will too… and it was. The best year of my life.” Kenma whispered. The burning was back in the corners of his vision and his eyes swam with blurry tears. Then, he was launching himself into Kuroo’s arms, hands finding their way around his midsection and up to his shoulders, gripping hard into the glossy fabric of the gown. Kuroo’s arms slid around him like a blanket, big and strong and all encompassing and warm. One gripped him around the waist, pulling his body flush against him so that Kenma could feel his body heat sear straight into his heart like an arrow. The other hand drew itself up around his shoulders and wound its way up his neck into his hair. Kenma tucked his forehead into Kuroo’s collarbone, and let the hot tears flow. 

Kuroo’s strong shoulders which carried the weight of the volleyball team and seemingly the world shook in Kenma’s grip, and that’s when Kenma realized his friend was crying into his two toned hair.

“I don’t want this to- to end.” Kuroo hiccuped into his hair, squeezing him into his chest. Kenma could feel his weight sag onto him, and he held him back just as tight. “I want it to… I want this to go on forever. I don’t want to leave.”

Kenma knew it was a lie. On Kuroo’s first day at University he would bounce around excitedly.

“It isn’t goodbye.” Kenma rationalized, “I’ll see you again soon. I’ll be right behind you.”

Kuroo nodded into Kenma’s head, silent for once in his flamboyant life. Kenma was more than willing to join him though. Silent, together, letting their emotions tie them together.

Eventually, Kuroo was the one to pull away, face red and blotchy and nose all snotty. He looked absolutely ugly, but Kenma smiled up at him anyway. He was still Kuroo, shining with energy.

“We should really do something else instead of stand here and cry.”

Kenma coughed out a laugh, “Video games?” That was always his suggestion. The normalcy did wonders to right the situation.

Kuroo smiled back down at him, looking handsome and a mess all at once. It did wonders on Kenma’s heart. “Yeah. Let’s play video games.”

It wasn’t goodbye. It wasn’t ending. Kenma smiled up at Kuroo, showing off pretty teeth that braces had straightened over the years. 

He would be right behind him, every step of the way.

  
  
  



End file.
